The ocean; gives and takes.

The grey skies kiss the fog that bellows over the calm glass surface of still waters. The silence of sea is deadening, and only broken by the sounds of wooden paddles; disturbing the uncharacteristic placid nature of the mass water body. The air is still and only shows presence through the movement of her hair with every paddle stroke. Endless sea provides no limits, yet provides no opportunities.

She knew this only in over-thinking it, and thought that one day, a horizon would appear. She blankly stares ahead of her, waiting for a glimpse of dry nature. Every day convinced herself that one day, just some day, that image of salvation would appear. Land. Where they could be, and forever live in a paradise amongst the great sea. A sea in which was traveled together. A sea in which fed them and kept them safe from others. In her mind, what seemed like days, on a boat was very little. She'd lose her faith in emerging refuge, and in times of need would stray away from the man who was taking her there.

Looking over her shoulder as he lead the way, as he paddled his heart out to keep her content... sea salt tears would well up, and she'd swallow hard to keep her inner ocean to herself. She sat at the front of this boat they shared, and sat there on her own. Her own thoughts in her head, her own fears and worries, and only moved back when she thought horizon was near. She'd move back, in excitement and share her good nature and happiness with him. She'd laugh, she'd express and she'd be open and witty and sweet. Her belief in optimistic nature to bring good things -- karma, if you will -- kept her going. Kept her motivated to keep that pilot light from burning out. But when low on fuel, she'd move back up front, and watch the grey skies again.

Never did he see, because he was busy keeping her safe, directing her to land and giving her a reason to be happy and live and be.

In her head, she writes.

Those gaping holes
in a once sturdy boat,
those open wounds I'd made...
it took two to keep afloat,
but my fire began to fade.

As water seeped through empty voids
and made our boat a confined sea,
water, water everywhere...
but not enough to save me.

Past my ankles, waters rise,
I dig it out with might,
useless tears stream from my eyes
just adding to the fight.

You've made it worse, she'd tell herself
you're in too deep to quit
her biggest fears of drowning here
this couldn't possibly be it.

He'd paddle faster to prevent from sinking,
row towards a sun that does the same,
as fast as his heart would take him, he'd catch it,
not knowing if the flame would be back again.

watch, behind, as he escapes the grey, the fog, the clouds and dark.
all she sees she's blinded by
and drowning waters put out her spark.

/ / / / /

I'd like you to know, I always wonder when you'll talk to me next.

/ / / / /

I don't want to talk about my life. And curiosity tells me I want to know all about yours... but at the same time I am weary of treading on those waters. Unmarked territory which I've had no bounds in for what seems like years (maybe because I'm on a boat... has it really been that long?) I guess not... but we can agree it feels that way, perhaps.

unless keeping ourselves busy with the tasks of everyday, the tasks of life, we barely notice the flying time and instead feel as if days are mushed into one. who really knows, thinking about it makes me feel chin deep in rising waters and I can't help but think there's more out there to do. Have I lived enough to impress? No, just getting by. Aiming to impress is for those with nothing else to live for; and instead go through life trying to be better than at least someone at everything. Who do they impress then? I suppose the person they're better than. I don't want to be better than anyone at anything, I just want to be best at what I do... but that'll take many many more days on a boat, by the sounds of it.

I'm not really sure what that meant. I almost deleted it because I just went off on a rant with no reason, no point and absolutely no real ties to what I was trying to get at in the first place.

I almost deleted it.

but then realized that you'd probably like to read it anyway... you always did listen to my incessant ramblings.

(much like this one)


and now i'm at a loss for words. I'll figure out the rest of this soon enough, I'm sure.

Anyway.


You know where I'm headed with this. and you know from past posts that Im always here....